Girls, when you ask your partner to spank you harder, it is a lowkey BDSM kink that you are unaware of or too embarrassed to accept.
Nonetheless, we can all agree that the term BDSM is a mainstream sex kink that many of us have. Even if the movie series “Fifty Shades” did a very bad job of portraying rather than educating the audience about practicing safe BDSM.
The problematic and ignorant misconception revolving around BDSM is hard to ignore, but it is even harder to suppress such a kinky urge. At the end of all BDSM sessions lies the increased potential for self-awareness, self-confidence, and deeper levels of intimacy.
Here at PlusLifestyle, we are all about promoting a healthy lifestyle, but when it comes to the BDSM lifestyle, safety is a prime factor as well. So without wasting any more time, let’s dive into knowing what is the BDSM lifestyle meaning.
BDSM Lifestyle: Defined!
All of us know that the act of BDSM is something more than just having regular sex. It is an erotic kink and practice that is not for everyone.
So if you think that you might be into something like that, then it is something you need to talk over with your partner and ask for consent before anything else. But if you are not sure what BDSM stands for, then I got you covered.
| The definition of the term BDSM is quite basic and easy to remember as well. The crucial thing that you need to remember is that everything happens after proper consent. Bondage/Discipline:The term bondage refers to physically restraining someone. And discipline means to set certain punishments or rules used by the dominant to the submissive. Submission/Dominance: The act of sub/dom is an act or play where the sub usually permits the dom to be in charge. The agreement usually is for a night or can even be a 24/7 kinda situation. Sadism/Masochism: The term Sadism means to enjoy yourself by giving someone else pain. The opposite is Masochism, which means to receive pain from someone. But a mixture of both is called a Sadomasochist. |
BDSM Dictionary
If you wanna know all about the BDSM lifestyle, there are certain terms that you should be well aware of to increase your vocabulary.
| Aftercare | “A post-scene ritual intended to help the dominant and submissive wind down and check in.” |
| Breath Control Play | “Restriction of oxygen to increase pleasure (i.e. choking, asphyxiation)” |
| Chastity | “Denial of a partner to have sex and/or masturbate – sometimes devices are used to ensure chastity (cock cages and chastity belts)” |
| Cuckold | “A man/masc person who enjoys watching their femme partner have sex with someone in front of them.” |
| Collared/Collaring | “Worn to indicate someone’s status as a submissive (collaring can indicate belonging to a dominant, and to some is seen as the ultimate level of commitment)” |
| Dom/Domme/Dominant | “The partner who leads the power dynamic in a dominant/submissive scene.” |
| Edgeplay | “Bringing a partner to the brink of orgasm, but not letting them orgasm.” |
| Fetish | “Intense sexualization of an act, object or scenario.” |
| Golden Showers | “The act of a partner urinating on another.” |
| Hard Limits | “Limits that never will be negotiable.” |
| Leather | “A subset of BDSM culture dictated by leather-wearing practices.” |
| Playspace | “An area designated for a scene or BDSM play.” |
| Pegging | “Refers to a woman/femme identifying person having anal sex with a man/masc identifying person, typically with a strap-on.‘ |
| Risk Aware Consensual Kink | “An alternative to SSC, as the term is disliked in the community for its ableist language (RACK also argues that kink isn’t ever safe, but that those that participate acknowledge the risks.)” |
| Sane, Safe, Consensual SSC | “A BDSM philosophy dictating the pillars of BDSM play.” |
| Safeword | “A word or physical cue meant to end play.” |
| Subspace | “A mental space submissives can go through in the middle of a scene; it’s often considered ‘dreamy’ or ‘floaty’ like a high.” |
| Switch | “A partner who can be dominant or submissive.” |
| Topping From The Bottom | “A bottom/submissive telling their top/dominant what to do to them.” |
| Vanilla | “non-Kink/BDSM activity.” |
Types Of BDSM Play
Since we are talking about the BDSM lifestyle, it is important to point out that there are a lot of different types of BDSM lifestyles that you can lead. So here are a few of those BDSM plays that you need to know more about.
1. Master-Slave
“One person is taking charge of the other, and the intensity of control varies.”
2. Littles-Caregivers
“The main trait is that the dominant is the caregiver, while the submissive wants to be cared for and nurtured.”
3. Kinky Role-Play
“Kinky stands for unusual things. You can choose unconventional role plays like student/teacher, doctor/nurse, or priest/nun.”
4. Owner-Pet
“This type of BDSM relationship manifests in the dominant persona taking charge of the submissive as though they are an animal they take care of and discipline.”
5. Professional Dom Or Sub
“Some people offer their services as Dominant or Submissive partners. This can take many forms, but it is a kind of relationship that can be transactional.”
6. Internet Submission
“The main characteristic of this BDSM relationship is its virtual nature. Although it is maintained online, it feels real and can be more than enough for some people. Also, the relationship can grow into an in-person one if both parties desire it.”
7. Sexual Sadism/Masochism
“Sadism refers to deriving pleasure from inflicting pain, while masochism is when you have pleasure from experiencing pain.”
Rules And Practices For BDSM
If you wanna indulge in the BDSM lifestyle, then there are a few things that you wanna know about. In the BDSM style of living, there are certain rules and practices that are strictly followed no matter what. So if you wanna live the lifestyle, then you need to follow them as well.
1. Talk About It Beforehand.
For every BDSM act to continue, it is important that you negotiate your terms and requirements with your partner.
This is an important thing to clarify beforehand so the two of you are comfortable with what you agree on and what is purely off-limits.
It is very important to establish boundaries, specifically if it has the possibility of harming anyone physically or emotionally.
2. Leave Alcohol And Drugs Out Of It.
Any type of alcohol and drugs do not mix well with the BDSM lifestyle. Mixing these two things together is a risk both physically and emotionally for both of you. While intoxicated, the ability to make decisions and give consent becomes difficult.
But if you feel like you need to get intoxicated before participating in anything, then it might not be something that is normal. So before doing anything else, it’s better to talk to a therapist to detangle your feelings.
| How To Ask Questions Without Ruining The Mood? It is important to ask for consent at every step of the way, but asking for it shouldn’t have to be formal at all. Mix it up with your dirty talk. A. “Do You Like It When I Hold Your Legs Down Like That?” B. “Your Ass Looks So Good. Is It Ok If I Spank You?” C. “Can I Turn You Over And Touch You From Behind?” |
3. Get And Give Consent Throughout.
As I said before, it is very important to ask for consent if you wanna indulge in the BDSM lifestyle. It is because the acts of BDSM can be quite intense and can affect someone both mentally, physically, and emotionally.
This is the reason why giving and receiving proper consent is so important when it comes to BDSM play. The space for negotiation is always there, where both of you can negotiate terms before jumping in.
| Tips To Get You Started: A. “Don’t get in over your head.” B. “Have the right tools to get out of sticky situations.” C. “Watch porn to learn what you like.” |
Opinions From Experienced Folks
- “If you’d like to dip a toe into BDSM, I suggest first masturbating on some fantasies and isolating why they’re so hot to you. Once you have a better idea of what you want to explore, start with recommended resources and educators to understand everything you need to do to practice BDSM safely, sanely, and consensually.” – Melissa A Vitale, NY.
- “Experiment as much with yourself as you do with other partners. Only play with someone you feel to your core is completely safe and knowledgeable/willing to learn.”– Lexi, OR.
- “My advice to people exploring BDSM would be just this: Don’t be afraid to ask if your partner would be interested in exploring a particular element of BDSM. They may say, ‘No,’ and that’s totally fine. But I bet there’s a decent chance they’re into the same things as you are – they were just too afraid to ask.” – Zachary Zane, NY.
- “It’s important for me to have critical conversations with my peers, playmates, and dynamics about not only the negotiated power exchange but also those power dynamics that exist socially and systematically. When the world around us affects our kinks, It’s inevitable for our kinks to affect how we show up in the world. And that is something to be conscious of.” – Morgan, Vancouver.
Wrapping Up!
If you understand the BDSM lifestyle properly, then you will know that this lifestyle is not for everyone. This kind of erotic kink is something not everyone can handle. And since giving proper consent is very important, no one can force you into something like this. Now if you think that this article was helpful for you in understanding the BDSM lifestyle, then give us a like and comment down below.
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